Symphony of my soul

He doesn’t always stop the pain but He ALWAYS redeems.

We have all been in a place, in a room, in a season, or in a moment of deep, deep gnawing pain. We have rolled around writhing in pain begging for a moment of relief, pleading for someone to stop the pain. But the pain of suffering remains, sometimes just a dull ache and sometimes intense knee-buckling pain. Depression extracts the air from my lungs and pushes me to a low, broken, fetal position. I lie there, wondering if I will ever make it past this moment alive . . . wondering if I will ever be able to open my eyes again, wondering if anyone knows or cares or if my cries are heard. It is those moments and those days that I am pushed to a resting position to a place of paralysis of heart, soul, and body. I can only be still and rest in the truth of whose I am. I am seen. I am known. I am not forgotten. I am lovely and my voice is heard. The strength of depression's mental blows is broken by the strength of the hands that formed the mountains and that dug out the depths of the deepest sea. It is in these moments that His hands are gentle and tender and His voice is a soft whisper. I can feel Him and I can hear Him because I am still. My body is broken and weary and my spirit is vulnerable and open to His hope of deliverance. I want to be rescued. I want to be free from the pain, the quick knock-out blows and the long never-ending aches. I want to be given a way of escape. I want to move again. To feel again. To hope again.

It is these moments of unspeakable pain that compose a symphony of my soul. My soul arises from the ashes purified, cleansed, and new. I am different and I am free to sing a new song. I can hear the melody of His love. I am surrounded by the bells of beautiful and redeeming music and my heart will never be the same again.



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